Vice Vixen


Epic blogging fail, I TOTALLY MOVED

So as your humble narrator is now blogging-as-work, I went to renew my custom domain name. And lo, some dumbass domain-name clearinghouse has registered my site.

WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?!?!

Fear not, oh my five readers. Vice Vixen has gotten a makeover. And now, please find me at :

FEMMEDANGEREUSE.COM




Holla at ya Hookah!

Jesus Christ, Shepherd of Judea, this is the most amazing hookah pipe I’ve ever laid eyes on. Sleek. Silvery. Grown up. Portable. A conversation piece. Tiny, manageable, and comes standard with two mouthpieces. Like for a date. A sexy date. How lovely… From the site:

But that’s not all, it also comes with an elegant and beautiful carrying bag so you can take it with you to the next dinner party you are invited to and show off your cool. In any case, here’s some tech info you might find relevant and convincing, in case the gorgeous design hasn’t won you over yet:

Body and handle of narghile in solid polished pewter, brilliant nish-Burner made of hi-tech ceramic. Pipe made of aeronautical polyamide treated with Te on.

2 mouthpieces made of culinary standard nacrine (i.e. synthetic mother-of-pearl).

Tongs for tobacco and charcoal – Carrying case.



No more baseball, back to handball?
January 2, 2008, 2:55 am
Filed under: accessories, fetish, gadgetry, in the house, indolence, lust, sex, sin in general

This sexy spherical gadget is billed as good for couples- with a certain focus I can see that as the case.  However, the sleek, smooth curve also seems ideal for the intended purpose.  Plus, it looks quite portable and pretty stealthy if you’ve gotta take it abroad.



And my top twelve distractions of 2007…
  • Smoking- In addition to my beloved Djarums, I am also digging these weird Springwater cigs. Smoking is so underrated.
  • Trader Joe’s- It’s like someone hosed the place down in awesome and win. Tarte d’Alsace and some two buck Chuck makes you almost feel not-poor for like, fifteen whole minutes. Truffles for under $3. Real instant mash. Natural beauty supplies. If only they added house brand valium and vicodin and staffed it with teenage brits, I’d never leave.
  • Queer as Folk reruns on Logo- anyone who hates on touchy touchy boylove needs to watch Brian and Justin dancing at the prom. I can’t think of anything more romantic in the history of romance ever.
  • My imaginary boyfriend- is he real? Even I’m not sure anymore but I’ve still never seen anyone cuter. If I’m remembering right.

Leading me to…

  • Hitachi Magic Wand- It’s just so powerful, I might have to tell my roommates I use it for old car accident injuries. Every time Boondock Saints is on, my back just starts acting up. Especially during the outtakes.
  • Leisurewear- It’s gotten to the point where my one career goal is to be able to wear sexy sweats and sleek sneakers. Career garb is so awful in so many ways, it always feels dirty.
  • Jay-Z’s American Gangster- I think this album is gonna give The Black Album a serious run for its money in the long-term. Yeah, I said it. Fucking genius, this is.
  • On Demand Programming- why can’t the fuckwits who are responsible for cable make one that fucking works already? I’m paying $3 a month, and I want to watch Hookers at the Point for the sixteenth time. Damn you, iO.
  • My car- Newark is so fucking weird- I can leave my easy-to-park-in space and be in the Holland Tunnel in ten minutes. You can’t even get from Tillary Street to the Manhattan Bridge in that amount of time, who knew? Anyway, driving stick in Jersey traffic is scary, but now I have a Beetle again.
  • Scrabulous- Eamon playing “VAGINA” for twelve points, shocking only that it came two whole plays into the game.

  • My toddler versus my prized possessions- this pint-sized terrorist has a knack for destroying electronics and media in seconds, while you’re just trying to form the “nuh” in “no.” Then she manages to turn on the waterworks and make you feel guilty.
  • Jack White- sexy, cheeky, mysterious, and tall. Considering all that and the hair, I’d marry him like, right this second.


Reeeeecap!
December 31, 2007, 4:44 am
Filed under: accessories, cheap, entertainment, gadgetry, in the house, indolence, lingerie, retro, shopping, smoking

Okay, so I haven’t posted since last Thursday.  It’s been a busy couple of units of time.  I had to move out of my apartment, on pretty short notice at that. It takes forfuckingever to find a place in the naked city, and after a few eh experiences, I found a commune in Newark to move to.  So most of my time has been spent singing kum-ba-yah, smoking pot, and arguing over whose cruelty-free tofu burgers are in whose freezer.  I’m kidding, you can totally get in trouble for saying stuff like that on your blog nowadays.  And besides, would I eat a tofu burger?  And it’s actually sort of co-housing, not a commune.  In Newark of all places.

So living in a commune loft is actually pretty cool.  It’s mostly boys, so there are no estrogen fueled hysterics.  Plus, it’s a cool old converted factory, so I get to build all up in it. And I can rollerskate here.  Some things that make co-housing situations overall better, IMHO- or, my loot:

These are my shiny red pots.  Awesome, awesome pots.  Top marks.

A sexy robe

This tool makes you Macgyver in like three seconds.  The rub?  You need one of these motherfuckers to open it!

Lighting!  I did this all by myself.  The cords came from IKEA, but you can get them and the shades from Pearl River.



I don’t “do” outside…

So I found some more star lights.  I can imagine a cluster of these would create a soft, romantic glow in a bedroom  And they’re crazy cheap.



Where are my panties?
November 2, 2007, 2:57 am
Filed under: accessories, boys, cheap, gadgetry, lust, sex, sin in general

Tuck one of these in your makeup bag, and the overexposed crawl-in-the-dark becomes a thing of the past.  (And check between the bed and the nightstand first.  Trust me.)



If I wanted to drop almost $200 on a plastic camera…
October 30, 2007, 2:42 am
Filed under: death by cute, fetish, gadgetry, haute, jack white, love, lust, retro, sex

these would be it.  Whilst I admire the old-fashioned, high-concept spirit of a collectible like this, the price is a bit high since I paid as much for my 7.1 MP Olympus.  Still, it’s pretty to look at and it makes cool old fashioned pics.

Oh, Jackie,you’re so dreeeemy!



Your other filofax

More on organization fetish.  Many women’s magazine’s posit couples need to schedule their romance and stick to it.  That’s not such a bad idea, but it sounds pretty unsexy.  This pretty little planner is an adorable way to do that.  Artfully styled, and very useful.



My pillow is not! lumpy
October 17, 2007, 1:34 am
Filed under: accessories, boys, fetish, gadgetry, geek love, haute, in the house, indolence, lust, sex, sin in general

Any bad boy or girl with a collection of toys will appreciate the Sex Kitten Toy Storage Pillow from Boudoir Essentials.  Keeping the kids or cats out of your personal toy box is always a challenge, and this will blend right in with your leopard and/or pink and black bordello boudoir couture.  And it’s fuzzy.



On the day that you were born the angels got together…
October 6, 2007, 4:49 pm
Filed under: entertainment, gadgetry, geek love, makeup, sin in general, vanity

While away, I rented the visually stunning and very engaging Mirrormask.  I highly recommend it, but that’s beside the point.  My dreams were haunted by this eerie version of Close To You by the Carpenters.  I woke up and mentioned to my bunk mate it was stuck in my head, to which he replied, Cheers, babe- now it’s stuck in mine!  But the really creepy part?  It reminded my of my daughter!  Anyway, finally as spooky as it deserves to be…



Lasso the moon for me, baby?
October 4, 2007, 3:06 am
Filed under: death by cute, gadgetry, geek love, ha, haute, in the house, indolence, jewels, love, lust

I have a thing for crescent moons- I have one tattooed over my sternum.  Via Geekologie, a moon for your house.  It’s like, from Russia or something.  Huge, but if I had a big old converted barn I bet I could make it work.



Pretend to be a time traveler day!
September 22, 2007, 3:37 am
Filed under: cheap, cosplay, fetish, gadgetry, geek love, ha, pillaging, ravaging, retro

Via Snopes, the coolest fake holiday since International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Thanks, snopes!

Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day

You must spend the entire day in costume and character. The only rule is that you cannot actually tell anyone that you are a time traveler. Other than that, anything’s game.

There are three possible options:

1) Utopian/cliché Future – “If the Future did a documentary of the last fifty years, this is how badly the reenactors would dress.” Think Star Trek: TNG or the Time Travelers from Hob. Ever see how the society in Futurama sees the 20th century? Run with it. Your job is to dress with moderately anachronistic clothing and speak in slang from varying decades. Here are some good starters:

- Greet people by referring to things that don’t yet exist or haven’t existed for a long time. Example: “Have you penetrated the atmosphere lately?” “What spectrum will today’s broadcast be in?” and “Your king must be a kindly soul!”

- Show extreme ignorance in operating regular technology. Pay phones should be a complete mystery (try placing the receiver in odd places). Chuckle knowingly at cell phones.

2) Dystopian Future – This one offers a little more flexibility. It can be any kind of future from Terminator to Freejack. The important thing to remember is dress like a crazy person with armor. Black spray painted football pads, high tech visors, torn up trenchcoats and maybe even some dirt here or there. Remember, dystopian future travelers are very startled that they’ve gone back in time. Some starters:

- If you go the “prisoner who’s escaped the future” try shaving your head and putting a barcode on the back of your neck. Then stagger around and stare at the sky, as if you’ve never seen it before.

- Walk up to random people and say “WHAT YEAR IS THIS?” and when they tell you, get quiet and then say “Then there’s still time!” and run off.

- Stand in front of a statue (any statue, really), fall to your knees, and yell “NOOOOOOOOO”

- Stare at newspaper headlines and look astonished.

- Take some trinket with you (it can be anything really), hand it to some stranger, along with a phone number and say “In thirty years dial this number. You’ll know what to do after that.” Then slip away.

2) The Past – This one is more for beginners. Basically dress in period clothing (preferably Victorian era) and stagger around amazed at everything. Since the culture’s set in place already, you have more of a template to work off of. Some pointers:

- Airplanes are terrifying. Also, carry on conversations with televisions for a while.

- Discover and become obsessed with one trivial aspect of technology, like automatic grocery doors. Stay there for hours playing with it.

- Be generally terrified of people who are dressed immodestly compared to your era. Tattoos and shorts on women are especially scary.



When is a ring not a ring?
September 10, 2007, 3:56 pm
Filed under: accessories, gadgetry, rage, sassy, shopping, smooth criminal, the good fight, wear

…when it’s actually brass knuckles in disguise? I have slightly mixed feelings about this piece- on one hand, I’m wary of women walking around feeling threatened.  On the other hand, well-you know.  This ring is meant to take the place of the old keys-between-the-fingers trick.  Subtle.



We’ve established I fetishize organization…
September 6, 2007, 2:21 am
Filed under: accessories, death by cute, fetish, gadgetry, haute, indolence, lust, pin-ups, retro, sex, shopping, sin in general

…and this is a sex toy toolkit!  Keywords like formerly in the aircraft business, made of beautiful high-quality stainless steel, and waterproof and dishwasher safe are in and of themselves like porn to me.  And the sexy case looks like a cool purse!



The ultimate hotel party…
August 13, 2007, 4:01 pm
Filed under: entertainment, gadgetry, geek love, in the house, indolence, pillaging, sex, sin in general

…could be hosted in one of these awesome things.  They sell for $500K and accommodate like 8 million people.  Awesomeriffic!



Smoke if you got it… but out of what?

Isn’t it a pain in the ass to come into smokeable substances totally unprepared?  This little device makes that less likely.  I mean, you might not wanna bring it everywhere (your boss might steal it, for instance), but at least you can be discreetly prepared.



Since transit is fucked, I OMG want one!

Well, I’ve wanted a Vespa for eons anyway.  But check out this sweet modded one on Engadget:

Quang Nguyen, a forward thinking Vespa-modder (no pun intended) has managed to cram a touchscreen rockin’, WiFi sportin’, XP-equipped PC into his red GTS250



Oooh… more naughty codes
August 8, 2007, 11:14 pm
Filed under: accessories, boys, discount codes, gadgetry, lust, rage, sex, smooth criminal, the good fight

The freak lightning storm that hit Brooklyn zapped my unplugged phone somehow last night, and in the interim I needed a vehicle for textsex.  This handy site can unlock old phones.  Good to know if you’re jonesing for a bit of the old beep-beep-oooohhhh… and you’re stuck for a phone.



I have an organization fetish…
August 6, 2007, 6:00 pm
Filed under: cheap, fetish, gadgetry, geek love, in the house, retro, shopping

…really, I do. I get so worked up over the promise of a pretty new toy that will make my life easier. These fancy mousepads sport calendars and to-do lists, and spiff up your desktop. Sweet.



Top of the line design meets sex

These swanky vibrators are the Birkin bag or Manolo maryjanes of sex toys.  Made of 24K gold and stainless steel, they’re gorgeously emblazoned with the legend “Fuck Design”- and how.  They’re nearly silent but powerful, waterproof, and hold varying temperatures for hot and cold experimentation.  And my birthday’s not till March.  >whimperpout<



Surrender your booty!
July 28, 2007, 4:41 pm
Filed under: accessories, boys, gadgetry, geek love, pillaging, ravaging, retro, sin in general, wear

I saw this cool, blingy pirate watch on Uncrate.  I think it’s good for boys or kick-ass girls, the kind not overwhelmed by a large, fake ice encrusted watch with a skull.



Toys and toys for boys.

Firstly, from the files of captain obvious, every girl needs one of these fancy tools. * Honestly, it’s the best appliance I’ve ever purchased.  Better even than my Kitchen-Aid stand mixer.  Really and truly.  You’ll never go back to a slimline, and it has the added bonus of being useful for its intended purpose, too.  Mas useful for trips home, that.

However, the second and awesomerifficest part about it is that it drives boys mad.  If you are doing something to your fella, and you apply this to the base of his cash-and-prizes while you carry on, he will scream and perhaps cry.  Just don’t forget an extension cord, I think this thing was created with socket fetishists in mind.  A true must have.

(Also, we have a BE code: vixensummer.  It’s for the mermaid collection.)



Sexy pens… yes, sexy pens.
July 27, 2007, 3:01 pm
Filed under: accessories, cheap, gadgetry, geek love, i own it, lust, sex, shopping

I found this pen in my office recently.  I started to use it, and immediately marched over to my boss and began grilling him as to the origins of the pen.  He admitted ownership and offered the pen to me- I declined, not feeling right taking such an amazing writing instrument from him.  I thought myself weird until our meeting later that day when my other boss, his sister (yes, as my ex often reminds me I am third in command in a chain of three) picked it up and had the same reaction… ooooh, whose pen is this?  I’m convinced, I will never use another pen to write on again on the rare occasions I write with a pen.



Turnabout is fair play…
July 26, 2007, 4:06 am
Filed under: accessories, boys, fetish, gadgetry, geek love, love, lust, sex, sin in general

I was enthralled by the new to me concept of remote vibrators for men when I saw them, and then discovered this nifty his-and-hers version.  Designed to relinquish control of sexual pleasure entirely to another person, I can see this set causing interesting in-public disagreements and games of chicken.



In case you missed it…
July 24, 2007, 12:24 am
Filed under: accessories, boys, discount codes, fetish, gadgetry, lust, pin-ups, sex, sin in general

Just reminding you that we’ve got a code for the Boudoir Essentials Mermaid Collection until August 15th.  And luxe vibrators are so this season…

(It’s vixensummer…)



Anything’s sexy when it’s strapped to your thigh
July 21, 2007, 2:18 am
Filed under: accessories, fetish, gadgetry, geek love, lingerie, lust, pin-ups, retro, sex, wear

My lifelong ambition has always been to be a kick-ass girl assassin. I have a thing for weapons themed accessories, and I always wanna strap stuff to my thighs. Lipstick, ATM cards, you name it. I don’t know why cell phone thigh garters haven’t caught on, but I want one. It looks especially convenient for skating. And it comes with a matching g-string. You can make your boyfriend wear it and snap pics with your cell.



Smoking pot doesn’t lead to other drugs, it leads to carpentry.
July 20, 2007, 12:21 am
Filed under: accessories, gadgetry, geek love, in the house, indolence, sin in general, smoking

Or, in this case, engineering. And what a beautiful thing. This handy pipe and lighter combo is sleek, discreet, and sexy. And no one can pocket your lighter without pocketing your pipe, too. Excellent idea!



We got codes, y’all!

The lovely proprietress of the very well-designed and well-stocked Boudoir Essentials noted our love for their cool gear and extended a code exclusively to ViceVixen.com readers! So from today until August 15th, the entire mermaid collection is 15% for us. Yay!

What’s in a mermaid collection, you may ask? I wondered, when I spoke with Boudoir Essentials about it. It turns out, a lot. Toys for beginners with speed adjustments. Stealth shower vibes. High-end, fashion-savvy toys. Toys for boys. Wands with bling. That’s just the beginning, and the best part about the mermaid collection is its diversity. It really does have something for every bad girl and boy. I’m personally partial to the waterproof crystal flex, but I am very, very naughty.

Thanks again, BE! (Readers, use code VixenSummer at checkout to get your discount!)



Beaker bongs

Part of my inspiration for this blog is the marginalization of vices.  As someone who has many, I know that even if you like to smoke, that doesn’t mean you want to do it out of a replica of Bob Marley’s head.  Maybe you think the Grateful Dead bears are stupid and juvenile.  This pretty pyrex piece is subtle enough to live in a grown-up’s house, yet functional and sturdy enough to feature at your next dinner party.



I miss my laptop so much it hurts sometimes.
July 3, 2007, 2:47 pm
Filed under: accessories, entertainment, gadgetry, geek love, in the house, indolence

My iBook is still sick pending a trip to Flushing to take it to a back alley apple-bortionist to try to save it.  Most of my copious at-home nights are spent with my iBook, under the fairy lights, watching trashy tv.  Sometimes I’ll make sappy collages, too, or read trashy magazines.  This little lap desk matches my black nighties perfectly, has a cupholder! (like I’m active or something!), and a nice, pretty, together pattern that belies the laziness of a lapdesk in the first place.  Want!



Oh, my god, the iPhone can suck it.
June 29, 2007, 4:56 pm
Filed under: accessories, gadgetry, geek love, rage, schadenfreude, sin in general, the good fight

I really wish all the tech blogs would stop the iPhone circle-jerking. It’s like the Paris Hilton of gadget news. What don’t we know about this stupid thing? I work on Prince Street, and this morning people were lined up, from last night, around the block for this stupid overpriced glorified Sidekick. What is going to be so life-changing about this thing that it’s worth sleeping on a pee-soaked sidewalk?

And those stupid commercials- it looks like you just wave a wand and you’re at any damn website via telepathy. I guarantee there’s a whole lot of awkward stylus-pinky action involved somewhere.

Which brings me to my current rumination. We have cameras. We have MP3 players. We have internet devices. Why do we need one expensive thing that does all three poorly? Oooh, a 2MP camera… sweet!

Is that a fucking riot shield? Isn’t this country at war?

more iPhone idiocy:

And the offending commercial:




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